How to tell healthy space from emotional unavailability Everyone needs some distance. That is not a pathology and treating it as one will cost you relationships worth having. But some distance is a person managing their own capacity within a relationship they are in. And some distance is the relationship never quite arriving. From theContinue reading “How to tell healthy space from emotional unavailability”
Rejection sensitivity: why criticism lands like a physical blow
Rejection sensitivity: why criticism lands like a physical blow Someone gives you feedback that is, objectively, mild. A small correction, delivered kindly, with plenty of praise around it. And your chest tightens, your face goes hot, and you spend the next four hours constructing a case that you are about to be found out. YouContinue reading “Rejection sensitivity: why criticism lands like a physical blow”
What to do when a client shuts down in session
What to do when a client shuts down in session The session was intense and now it is not. The client’s answers have become shorter. The urgency has gone. They are agreeing with you, and everything in the room says the difficult part has passed. Sometimes it has. Sometimes the client has gone offline andContinue reading “What to do when a client shuts down in session”
Anxious attachment is not one thing: three ways it shows up
Anxious attachment is not one thing: three ways it shows up Two people both have anxious attachment. One texts three times when a reply is slow. The other says nothing for four days while replaying every recent conversation. Both are anxious. Almost nothing they need is the same. The category is accurate and too coarseContinue reading “Anxious attachment is not one thing: three ways it shows up”
They pulled away after things got close. What is actually happening.
They pulled away after things got close. What is actually happening. The confusing part is the timing. It did not happen after an argument. It happened after the best week. After the conversation where you both said more than usual, or the weekend that felt like something had shifted. And then the replies got shorter.Continue reading “They pulled away after things got close. What is actually happening.”
Why masking is exhausting, and what it actually costs
Why masking is exhausting, and what it actually costs Masking gets described as pretending to be someone else, which undersells it considerably. It is closer to running a continuous set of calculations that most people are not running, while also doing the thing everyone else is doing. What it actually involves Break down a singleContinue reading “Why masking is exhausting, and what it actually costs”
Why you keep dating the same kind of person
Why you keep dating the same kind of person Different name, different job, different city. Same argument by month four. Same feeling by month eight. Same ending. At some point the coincidence stops being credible, and the question arrives: what am I doing. The selection is not happening where you think Most people assume theContinue reading “Why you keep dating the same kind of person”
Autistic burnout: why you collapse after looking completely fine
Autistic burnout: why you collapse after looking completely fine The confusing part is not the collapse. It is that nothing visible changed before it. You were managing. Colleagues would have described you as capable, possibly as thriving. You met every deadline, attended the things, held the conversations. And then at some point you found youContinue reading “Autistic burnout: why you collapse after looking completely fine”
Am I autistic, ADHD, or just anxious?
Am I autistic, ADHD, or just anxious? If you have spent any time looking into why life feels harder for you than it seems to for other people, you have probably ended up circling the same three possibilities. Autism. ADHD. Anxiety. And the more you read, the more all three seem to fit. That isContinue reading “Am I autistic, ADHD, or just anxious?”