Why the right intervention can fail at the wrong moment One of the more disorienting experiences in early practice is doing the right thing and watching it not work. You had the reasoning. Your supervisor would agree with the choice. The intervention was appropriate to the formulation. And the client became more distressed, or shutContinue reading “Why the right intervention can fail at the wrong moment”
Why you lose interest the moment someone actually wants you
Why you lose interest the moment someone actually wants you They were interested. You were interested. Then they became clearly, unambiguously available, and something switched off. You cannot point to what changed about them, because nothing did. What changed is that the uncertainty resolved, and with it went whatever had been holding your interest inContinue reading “Why you lose interest the moment someone actually wants you”
Late-identified ADHD in women: what gets missed and why
Late-identified ADHD in women: what gets missed and why The version of ADHD most people carry in their heads is a disruptive nine-year-old boy who cannot sit still. That image has done an enormous amount of damage, and a significant portion of it has landed on women who were quiet, compliant, academically capable, and strugglingContinue reading “Late-identified ADHD in women: what gets missed and why”
When a client says they are not safe: the first thirty seconds
When a client says they are not safe: the first thirty seconds The fear most early-career clinicians name is not the escalating client. It is the disclosure. And when you ask what specifically they are afraid of, it is usually not the procedure. Most people know the procedure. What they are afraid of is theContinue reading “When a client says they are not safe: the first thirty seconds”
Why mixed signals are so hard to let go of
Why mixed signals are so hard to let go of Hot one week, distant the next. Enthusiastic plans followed by three days of nothing. And somehow the person you cannot stop thinking about is not the one who has been steadily available, but this one. That is not a character flaw. It is a reasonablyContinue reading “Why mixed signals are so hard to let go of”
What a diagnosis tells you, and what it leaves out
What a diagnosis tells you, and what it leaves out A lot of people arrive at a diagnosis expecting it to be an ending, and find it is closer to a punctuation mark. There is usually relief, sometimes considerable. There is often grief. And then, some weeks later, a quieter and more awkward realisation: youContinue reading “What a diagnosis tells you, and what it leaves out”
How to tell healthy space from emotional unavailability
How to tell healthy space from emotional unavailability Everyone needs some distance. That is not a pathology and treating it as one will cost you relationships worth having. But some distance is a person managing their own capacity within a relationship they are in. And some distance is the relationship never quite arriving. From theContinue reading “How to tell healthy space from emotional unavailability”
Rejection sensitivity: why criticism lands like a physical blow
Rejection sensitivity: why criticism lands like a physical blow Someone gives you feedback that is, objectively, mild. A small correction, delivered kindly, with plenty of praise around it. And your chest tightens, your face goes hot, and you spend the next four hours constructing a case that you are about to be found out. YouContinue reading “Rejection sensitivity: why criticism lands like a physical blow”
What to do when a client shuts down in session
What to do when a client shuts down in session The session was intense and now it is not. The client’s answers have become shorter. The urgency has gone. They are agreeing with you, and everything in the room says the difficult part has passed. Sometimes it has. Sometimes the client has gone offline andContinue reading “What to do when a client shuts down in session”
Anxious attachment is not one thing: three ways it shows up
Anxious attachment is not one thing: three ways it shows up Two people both have anxious attachment. One texts three times when a reply is slow. The other says nothing for four days while replaying every recent conversation. Both are anxious. Almost nothing they need is the same. The category is accurate and too coarseContinue reading “Anxious attachment is not one thing: three ways it shows up”